"My grace is sufficient for you, for power is made perfect in weakness." I will rather boast most gladly of my weaknesses, in order that the power of Christ may dwell with me. Therefore, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and constraints, for the sake of Christ; for when I am weak, then I am strong." (2Cor 12:9b-10)

When we experience suffering, we are usually quite alone. In reality, Our Lord is right there with us, but when we suffer, we often do not think about God. We think of ourselves, our suffering, our pain, our reality, our human condition. It is only when we stop to think about ourselves, that we begin to realize, slowly at first, that Jesus Christ suffered for us, to make us whole again.

Suffering is the absence of the beatific Vision in this part of our life. When we are in Heaven, all suffering is over with. But as long as we are on earth, suffering is a natural part of our existence. We all go through some form of suffering. God, who loves us in a unique way, does not wish for us to suffer. People allow suffering to come to them out of weakness. Sometimes that weakness isn't immediately apparent or ever expected, but the weakness is there. Satan lies in wait for those weaknesses to appear; then he acts to win us over to his side, viz., a side opposing God's goodness.

Everyone suffers in life to one extent or another. In counselling other people (for example as in Prison Ministry for the past seven years), I've come to the conclusion that no one is free from some sort of suffering in their lives. In the inmates I talk to, I often see parallels to my own behavior earlier in life. I was a very rebellious child and when I got over that period, I tried a couple of years of appeasement. That didn't work either. Showing weakness to others makes controlling people seek to take advantage. Self-preservation demands resolute strength, else one becomes the victim.

Added to that resolute strength should be humility - which results in a strong but kind personality. I have overcome a lot in my life, overcome weakness. As the Scripture says, when I am weak, I am strong - so when I recognise weakness in my life, or vulnerability, Our Lord gives us strength to overcome what is not beneficial for us.

There is no doubt that environment plays a great part in our disposition, particularly in our younger years when we are more vulnerable. If one is brought up in an atmosphere of fear (let's say by being in World War II as a child where the shooting takes place), these emotions will come to wreak havoc later in one's life. That was one part of the puzzle for me, why I was often in a sullen and intractible mood. Then emotions resulting from being abused by adults, adults who should have known better. These sort of emotions stick with us for a very long time.

Not speaking of anyone in particular right now, there are thousands of people affected by pain that is the result of trauma suffered in the childhood and teenage years. In literature there are some interesting examples of this, very scholarly books of course and also a trilogy that I recall having read in Europe in its original language (Dutch), which tells us about a youngster who always managed to get into serious trouble.

Ciske de Rat ("Ciske the Rat") is the story of an eleven year old lonely street child Ciske (Franciskus) Vrijmoeth, who has no friends and is only called "the rat". The setting is in Amsterdam in the 1930s. Ciske has to change school, because he poured ink over his teacher's head. After school, he helps out in a pub, where his mother Marie also works. His beloved father, Cor, is a fisherman and therefore not at home. The story is told by his new teacher Bruis, who gives him a chance.

Ciske groeit op ("Ciske Grows Up") is the second part. Ciske starts a fire at home as he accidentally knocks over a lantern. He meets his father, who wants to get divorced. At school he makes friends with a sick boy called Dorus. One night, Ciske surprises his mother with another man, who beats him. As his mother tears out pages from a book which was a gift from Dorus, who later dies, Ciske gets angry and kills his mother with a knife. He is then arrested and put into jail. His teacher helps him out, and after Ciske saves a drowning boy's life, he is declared a hero and lives together with his father and aunt Jans.

In the third part, Cis de man ("Cis the Man"), Ciske is now an adult soldier and fights against the German soldiers in World War II. This part of the book was published in 1946 after the Dutch liberation and is not included in the movies produced later.

To many of my readers, the scenario described in the review of the Ciske trilogy, is not uncommon. We all have known people who have had dire experiences in childhood or teenage years, the growing up years, often resulting in crime, time in prison, and then young people wise up and settle into a more meaningful life.

These experiences of those unruly years, maybe similar to those found in the Ciske trilogy, at some point when we are older and hopefully wiser, will come to haunt us. For some it means depression and much self-searching. For others, these experiences are no match and they shrug them off, but not everyone can do that. Still others, will affix blame to experiences of younger years which can lead to psychological problems of one sort or another. People who stay close to Jesus, who listen to Him as He speaks to us and directs their lives, will have an easier time coping with these mechanisms than those who have no one to believe in or share with.

It is good to have friends. I do not make friends so easily but those whom I call friends are good friends. They are loyal to me, and I am loyal to them, and most of the time, what we have in common is Jesus Christ. Fellow Catholics, and even people who aren't into church-going can be my friends as long as they give some energy to the relationship. Most of my friends are spiritual friends (see my recent Reflection: Spiritual Friendships 2.) This is the great advantage to being a part of a parish community - getting to know people with whom we can spend a little time. For similar reasons, Veterans (of which I am one), have a tendency to flock together because speaking with like-minded people who understand their experiences can be of enormous help in battling various stress disorders. In fact, that's why there are societies and clubs of every description where people can share, can emote, or relate experiences that are of specialized nature. A battle-scarred Veteran with his or her needs will seek out people with similar experiences so that they can vent their anguish and nobody gets hurt. Reason I'm saying this is that Veterans are often maligned by others as "anti-social" - that's a grave mistake. They aren't anti-social, they just do not have trust in every well-meaning Tom, Dick and Harry and Jane who comes along, because these people have not experienced what they have.

Again, that's true with almost anyone who has suffered, no matter where and how - he or she will search out like-minded people to share with.

There are people who suffer from a great many types of trauma, and much of the time they suffer quietly - they have no one to share with who understands them, at least that is what they think. My thought on that is not so much that I won't find another soul who can intelligently discuss my situation, but that some doctor comes up with inane suggestions due to lack of specific experience that do more harm than good. There are, however, many very talented trauma therapy people working for the VA or similar who are equipped to deal with these heavy issues. And human nature what it is, there are many who have a real desire to help. Let them! Give them the opportunity to try.

My mother, herself no stranger to suffering, used to remind me often that life is like a chicken coop ladder (an old German saying) - I'll leave the rest to your imagination. She was right, though! For some people life can be very trying, for others, who are optimists (as I usually am) we get over it, but some experiences leave too deep a mark and everyone needs to cope with his or hers own suffering and come to peace with it.

May the Good Lord bless you and keep you,
and make each day in your life, a little easier.

Fred Schaeffer, SFO
January 29, 2010