REFLECTIONS IN SILENCE
Fred S. Schaeffer, SFO

Written at Gethsemani Abbey, Trappist, Kentucky

It is 4:00 p.m., and I am in the second day of a four day retreat with the Cistercian monks at the monastery where Thomas Merton taught, wrote many books, and prayed. In the past 90 minutes, I took a long walk into pastures across the road even though it was only 25° F. That was warm compared to this morning's walk when it was just 10°. Wearing a heavy parka, it wasn't too bad!

During my walk through the pastures, I was and felt totally alone. Not a soul could be seen, which was not surprising: only a nut would go walking in that weather, although my fellow retreatants did their best to stretch their legs too. When you are interiorly silent, you give God the opportunity to be heard. A sudden thought hit me; it had something to do with self-esteem: "Unless we are convinced of our own goodness, worth and dignity, we cannot do good to others or even to ourselves." I had read this in a book, the day before (Accept yourself with love and confidence, by John M. Scott, SJ). Then I thought: I am not alone, because God is with me. I prayed the Our Father, and there was joy and warmth within. God is always with us: we are never alone; if we were, we would instantly stop breathing and die. Our heart-beat, about 100,800 times a day, is a gift of God, a gift of His never-ending creation. He whispers to us: "I love you, not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you."

Act as if you are already the person you wish to be and you become that person. Act as if you were already in heaven with God. Some people call this day-dreaming but that's very healthy. Of course this idea of wishing to be something can also be used in the negative so you have to discern where the inspiration or thought comes from.

Prayer is a method of wishing to be what we are not. And, prayers are answered. One of the main keys to happiness is what we do with your time. From personal experience, if we sit around and we don't do much, our lives will be lonely and depressing. If we make commitments or take on challenges or risks, we will have a happy life. Do not forget God, because the without him we cannot do anything. He will not forget us either.

Reading is the key to knowledge - people without a college education (e.g. myself), who are readers learn as much or more. Don't let anybody tell you different! I would love to have a degree, but, my life's knowledge and experience serves me well. Intuitiveness comes from God; this too is a gift.

Many people kid me, in a good-natured way, about my age, and for that matter, about my beard (I am growing one to keep my face warm, but I may leave it on after the winter). Age, however, is a quality of mind. If you mope around and languish, then you are old. But, if you go forward and you are forward looking, and if you have vision, then you are young.

Self-respect comes to us when we are alone, in quiet settings. We are all a part of something. No one was created for nothing. Self-respect is OK - self-love is not. The difference between Christians, and those who practice some form of 'New Age' religion is that the New Agers think they are God; they think they know it all... we don't; in fact, without God we cannot even take a step, or feed ourselves or even breathe. We are in Christ's hands, but we also are his hands. There is a little of Jesus in all of us. That's what I was thinking this afternoon, as my steps crunched along a snow-covered farm road amid the pastures. I was all alone, and yet, Jesus walked with me, and I walked with him. In that, there is great joy.

Written January 1997.

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