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Today, I'd like to talk about Spiritual Friendships because this seems to be a much misunderstood idea. Let's look at Holy Scriptures, Phil 1:7-11, "It is right that I should think this way about all of you, because I hold you in my heart, you who are all partners with me in grace, both in my imprisonment and in the defense and confirmation of the gospel. For God is my witness, how I long for all of you with the affection of Christ Jesus. And this is my prayer: that your love may increase ever more and more in knowledge and every kind of perception, to discern what is of value, so that you may be pure and blameless for the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ for the glory and praise of God." In literature, there is the beautiful description of spiritual friendship written by the 12th Century English Cistercian Abbot, Aelred of Rievaulx. "Aelred believed that the love of friendship springs directly from God, coming closer to the love of the saints in heaven than most other loves. True friendship combines charity and good will, and is possible only between those who resist the sin and greed that would destroy it. It is "mutual harmony in affairs human and divine coupled with benevolence and charity." Spiritual friendship is distinguished from carnal friendship that springs from mutual harmony in vice, and from worldly friendship that is enkindled by the hope of gain. Four qualities must be tested in a friend: loyalty, right intention, discretion, and patience." [From: Spiritual Director, Spiritual Companion: Guide to Tending the Soul By Tilden Edwards (2001). Paulist Press]. Saint Francis and Saint Clare enjoyed a close spiritual friendship. "Francis and Clare not only became brother and sister to every human being but to all animate and inanimate creatures. In contemplating nature, when Francis discovers that everything speaks to him of God, his eyes are filled with joy and he exclaims in the Canticle of Brother Sun: everything "... from you Most High, bears significance" (quoted from an address by Pope John Paul II to young people gathered in Assisi 2001). Think of the joy of friendship and brotherhood as Jesus sits with the Apostles and with us, as he breaks the bread and pours the wine, His Body and Blood, and we pray, "We adore you oh Lord Jesus Christ, here and in all the Tabernacles of your Church, for by your Holy Cross you have redeemed the world." (St. Francis of Assisi). Finally, some notes from experience.
People refer to two people in a close friendship as being "soulmates." The general meaning of the word seems to include relationships that are also carnal in nature, so I don't use that term in reference to spiritual friendship. Many years ago, I had a beautiful spiritual friendship with a Discalced Carmelite Nun. It was a friendship I treasured for a long time. Spiritual friendships aren't common anymore, maybe they don't fit in with today's modern society. Often husband and wife are spiritual friends, if they are their marriage will be very blessed. You see, spiritual friends may disagree but you won't hear them shouting at one another as if a war is about to commence. They have too much respect for one another to fight. I think there are many spiritual friendships among Secular Franciscans. I hope that some day, you will experience a spiritual friendship, too. Peace and Good! Fred Schaeffer, SFO 9/1/2009
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