by Fred Schaeffer, SFO (© 2006)
Change is always difficult. Suppose you're married to an executive, and your spouse finds a better job in another State. This presents the difficult problem of uprooting junior from school, leaving friends and perhaps relatives behind, adapting to a new lifestyle, finding new friends. It all takes so much time, and of course, also the move itself can be a nightmare. When we are unsettled in our daily lives, for whatever reason, daily prayer is the first victim.
Let's face it. In many ways we're sheep. I don't mean that as an insult, but people have the tendency to follow rather than lead, particularly once we're adjusted to a given environment and life settles into a daily routine. We become slaves, as it were, to our daily routine. That's particularly true with working people, or let me rephrase that, with people who are not retired. Retirees are often enslaved to their economic circumstances. And whatever it is, the change from working to getting retirement is also a tough one, maybe not at first, but 6-10 months after making that large adjustment.
I should know. About 11 months ago, I retired. I retired due to reasons of health but still, it was a big change, a big adjustment. In the evenings, which tend to be long, I often miss the community of the monastery I was a part of. I miss communal prayer, and I miss the people around me. Usually, in contemplative monastic houses, there is an understated family relationship, with Jesus as the capstone of the community. And now, 11 months later, I very often feel quite alone. Something has been taken away from me. That something was quite beautiful. I suppose the same would be true when a person is suddenly widowed. Someone who was beautiful as a partner in life, a co-creator of new life, and someone whom we believed and confided in is now gone, and we feel totally alone and perhaps we even feel deserted.
I think that these feelings are natural and part of our emotional life, but having said that, the devil takes advantage of our weaknesses and worry. Certainly people who find themselves in a period of great change could begin to despair. At the very least they are discouraged. What happens then? Well, there is a good chance that discouraged and depressed people will begin to find fault with little things people do. Little things that are totally harmless but in some way things that terribly rankle us.
What could happen? Suppose you're that depressed person through no fault of your own, and you're in church on a Sunday. Someone who you barely know sits in the pew in front of you. When all people kneel, he's sitting, he is blocking your view, and there is no room for your hands because his back is flat against your kneeling posture. Satan just loves this type of situation. He puts thoughts in your head that could make your react in a hating manner to that person. "Why should he sit when everyone is kneeling. Who does he think he is?" When that is what you're thinking, you're in trouble, particularly when you keep brooding about it. A person who is not depressed or not in a period of change would not even recognize this situation as a problem. It is merely an inconvenience, one of the many in life. And we go on and forget about it. Right? But not for a soul already in a weakened situation.
Changes in our lives create other problems. Many of us who pray regularly maintain some sort of prayer schedule. As a Franciscan, I must pray a daily "Office." There are several methods to pray this mandatory type of prayer, but I pray the Liturgy of the Hours, at least Morning and Evening Prayer and sometimes, the Office of Readings and Night Prayer. And I used to go to daily Mass. When I was in a monastery, all this was part of the horarium (monk's schedule), and when the bell rang, we knew we needed to be in chapel to pray. But now, being retired and living in Vero Beach... well, sometimes prayer occurs at different times. On Mondays, Wednesdays and Friday or Saturdays, I try to walk an hour. I need to do this to lose weight. I know this is no excuse for not going to Holy Mass, but the fact remains that if it gets later in the morning, it gets to be too hot to walk for an extended time in this part of Florida.
Satan is sitting on the sidelines, along the way. First he tells me in his sly voice... "Oh, it's OK, you can miss Mass every day." Remember the apple? It's the same thing all over again. Eve fell for it, and then Adam. You see, I can also walk later in the afternoon... so that I can attend Holy Mass in the morning, but it's not always convenient because I'm involved with something else at that time.
What I am getting at, you can invent a thousand excuses. None of them please God! Changes in one's life are fraught with difficulties and these contribute to getting out of our daily prayer routine. What do do? Have you talked this over with Jesus? He's the first you should go to and share with, and ask Him to tell you what is best. Oh, you say... "Jesus doesn't talk with me!" Yes, He does, but have you listened for His quiet voice?
That's what I used to say, many years ago. And then, just before entering the contemplative community, I had an old problem I needed help with. One of those bugaboos that just didn't want to go away. And I was persuaded to ask Jesus for help in a conversational way. I did. Nothing happened for a while, but then one day, I was asked to accompany a friend to a healing service... and it was there that He healed me totally. Yes, my brothers and sisters, He does listen to us! He listens when we're mixed up due to changes in our lives, and He listens to us every day. And He answers!
But in a fast-moving world, the world of the job, our social lives, family life, life adjustments that consume much time, we generally don't have the time to sit still for 15-20 minutes, preferably up to an hour, and sit in His Presence, in Church in front of the Tabernacle, in the garden, looking perhaps quietly at the bird who comes to visit, or at the flowers, and even at a quiet stretch of beach. It is there at all these places that we feel secure with Him, and we praise Him for all He has done in our lives, apologize for all the pain we have given Him, before we ask Him our needs. Then we thank Him, profusely in prayer. This prayer isn't a rapid-fire, motor-mouthed prayer, but little thoughts and reflections of His love. In the quiet, He will answer and give you ideas to solve your problems. Or, more likely, the problems you perceive will not appear as large anymore.
So no matter how tough the changes in our lives are, ALWAYS MAKE TIME FOR GOD! Without Him, we can accomplish nothing! With Him, and with other family members, friends and acquaintances, our little community, we find out that we are no longer alone, and He is there to encourage you onwards. All His encouragement has but one goal, so that we may be with Him for all time to come! Amen.
Fred Schaeffer, SFO
April 6, 2003
Index to bro. Fred's Reflections by Fred Schaeffer, SFO (© 2006)