Giving yourself to God and to others-Part I

I was re-reading a wonderful spiritual book, that I found in a second-hand bookstore yesterday. I  last read it when I was in religious life, and it helped me then in loving God more, and myself less. This book "John of the Cross for Today: The Ascent" by Dr. Susan Muto, a very gifted author in the field of Formative Spirituality, comes to us from Ave Maria Press (1991). Studying St. John of the Cross, the founder (with St. Teresa of Avila) of the Discalced Carmelites, is a doctor of mystic theology, who lived from 1542 to 1591, is always a worthwhile endeavor, and his works are as relevant today as they were in Spain in the 16th Century. St. John wrote several works, and you can find The Ascent of Mount Carmel on this website.

I have written before, in these essays and reflections on the theme of "losing self, in order to be closer to God." May I refer you to Take my Card..., Keeping Jesus Company, and many other writings, some authored by myself, most however, authored by people more eloquent and knowledgeable in spiritual matters than I.

A couple of lines, in the very beginning of Dr. Muto's work, leapt out at me, "St. John is writing for advanced beginners and persons already proficient in the virtues of detachment, humility, and charity. In other words, he is writing for people who have a "self" to lose. It is in fact dangerous to read St. John if we have not tasted a certain degree of success mingled with a good dose of self-esteem. It is impossible to lose a self we do not have."

Unless we have self-esteem, how do we know what that "self" is, that we must lose in order to give our life to God? Self-esteem involves both self-relevant beliefs (e.g., "I am competent / incompetent", "I am liked / disliked") and associated self-relevant emotions (e.g., triumph / despair, pride / shame). It also finds expression in behavior (e.g., assertiveness / timorousness, confidence /caution). In addition, self-esteem can be construed as an enduring personality characteristic (trait self-esteem) or as a temporary psychological condition (state self-esteem). Finally, self-esteem can be specific to a particular dimension (e.g., "I believe I am a good writer, and feel proud of that in particular") or global in extent (e.g., "I believe I am a good person, and feel proud of myself in general"). Self esteem is how you feel about yourself. If you feel negative about yourself, you do not have self esteem. Many people in today's society have lost all self-esteem.

Vocation directors of people who feel called to Deaconate, Priesthood or to Religious Life, look for this trait of self-esteem. If the applicant has very low self-esteem and it appears he/she cannot get out of that abyss, then such a candidate isn't suitable for the life desired. In many cases, in commercial life, business life, an employer looks for the same trait. A person with self-esteem makes a much better candidate for advancement than someone who doesn't care much for himself. Having a large "ego" is not the same as having self-esteem. "Ego" is an inflated feeling of pride in your superiority to others. If your "ego" is very severe, you're in for a rough time in life. Exercising one's ego is a lack of humility and it is also a sign of low self-esteem.

Why do I make so much of all of this? Well, because I grew up as a man with low self-esteem, and it did not serve me well in my younger years. The cause for it was the archaic upbringing in Europe in the mid nineteen-forties, where the children were 'nothing' no matter which way you turned the subject. I spent my young life (age 6-12) in a Catholic boarding school, because my parents (due to the post-war pressures) were unable to care for me personally, and they thought it would be good if I were among my own peers. That school was something strait out of the Inquisition. It lacked every social amenity, and was run by an order of brothers who believed strongly in corporal punishment, and I know they applied such with great enthusiasm. This was more than a prep school, this was run like a reformatory for delinquent minors, which it was not, of course. Such were the standards in the Netherlands in the post-war years. It is to me, no wonder, that the Dutch broke free from this oppression in the way they have.

When the theme "you are nothing" is installed in one's mind during the formative years, low self-esteem will certainly follow. Fortunately, I was able to rise above all this, especially when I managed to do well in the American work-place and thus came to realize that there was much more to myself than they taught me in Holland. That, and following my Roman Catholic Faith throughout life, thus coming closer to God, has strengthened my self-esteem to the point that I am now able to detach myself from "self" and thus follow God more intensely. But it took many years to get to this realization. You see, my sisters and brothers, one cannot give what one hasn't got. That's the basis for this reflection.

But we have everything. We are created in God's image and the Holy Spirit resides in us. In 1 Cor. 6:18-20 we learn that we must, "Avoid immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the immoral person sins against his own body. Do you not know that your body is a temple of the holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God, and that you are not your own? For you have been purchased at a price. Therefore, glorify God in your body."

Yes, we are a temple of the Holy Spirit. But it takes self-esteem to recognize that. The person with low or no self-esteem will doubt that he/she is a temple of the Holy Spirit, and thus will be missing the point entirely. I cannot tell you how many people I have met in life who hang their hat on the idea that they are nothing. That there is no future for them, and life stinks in all its dimensions, and that there is no hope. One may call them the "sad-sacks" of society, but their numbers are great and the situation is tragic. Teen-agers who find themselves drawn into a life of crime come to that state because they do not believe in themselves and most of all, they do not believe in God. They proceed to drugs because they crave some sort of power. If they had self-esteem, they would not care for the drug-scene because they have better things to do with their lives.

This may also answer the question why kids from well-off parents get into drugs. They have everything they want (as defined by the parents), but they are bored stiff with life, often unmotivated, and that often leads to low self-esteem. But kids who come from parents who have themselves experienced the grit of life, hard-working people, they seem to turn out kids who work well with others and who have enough self-esteem to get a good start in life. All the people I've met who come from mid-to-large families, brought up with a solid work-ethic and a solid love for others, are those who care for other people, and who have a healthy self-esteem. Of course there are exceptions and it is, perhaps, uncharitable of me to generalize.

No matter what religion you follow, or even none at all, you are someone who can rise above your current state in life. Life IS worth living, but not if you do not care about yourself, not if you have no self-esteem. If that is the case, talk to someone, a priest, a teacher, an older person perhaps. Do not be ashamed of it - instead, make something of yourself! God loves you more than you'll ever realize and He'll help you with your problem if you allow Him to do so. But as long as we feel sorry for ourselves, we are mired in self-decay and we will not be able to see the goodness, the quality of life, that lies beyond.

Once you are able to see yourself in that new light, a temple of the Holy Spirit, a person who knows his/her own worth, then life will get better. Then you will be able to give of yourself to others and you'll do it easily and with love. A temple of the Holy Spirit would want to give God's love he feels within, to parents, to other people, and also, to those who haven't got the means to understand these things. When one has self-esteem, you'll find that with God's help you will have the guts to instruct others in the very thing that has taken so long for you to obtain. It is in our own struggles out of despair that we come to appreciate what we've gone through, and we will want to share of our success with others. I know I do.

As time goes on, and perhaps it is also because I'm retired and thus have more time to think and pray about these things, I want to reach out and touch someone. I want to tell everyone about that love, that love that comes from God, which I have found in my life. The salvation that is possible for a soul, a fellow traveler on this pilgrimage of life, who plods onward just as I, and millions of other people, are doing. You are not alone out there. This is not a trip to the moon where you walk in space by yourself tethered only with a thin line to the mother ship. You are in the company of many people, many who have found this internal spiritual urge to come closer and ever closer to our Lord Jesus, to follow Him to the ends of the earth, and ultimately, to be with Him until the end of time. That's a wonderful goal, my friends, but your efforts to get there must begin NOW.

I pray that you may find God in whatever way works for you... in an honorable way, by giving of the new self you have found, and giving yourself to God by renouncing sin. Use that new-found Grace for the good of your sisters and brothers who walk this earth as fellow travelers. We're really all in it together!

May God continue to bless you and give you His peace!

Fred Schaeffer, SFO
2-2-2006

 

Giving yourself to God and to others-Part II