Giving yourself to God and to others-Part II

Continuing on the subject of St. John of the Cross, sampling from the book "John of the Cross for Today: The Ascent" by Dr. Susan Muto. Ave Maria Press (1991), we are told to rid ourselves of perverted desires or appetites. You will find this in Chapter Three of St. John's "The Ascent of Mount Carmel," particularly the chapter title: "Speaks of the first cause of this night, which is that of the privation of the desire in all things, and gives the reason for which it is called night."

I've experienced privation of desires, particularly when I entered the Novitiate year in the Community of the Monks of Adoration, where I stayed almost five years. I would like to tell you about it. First, let us define St. John's reference to the concept of "night." He speaks of "Entering the Night," this is not just one night but it is a period of time. We have to experience this "night" if we wish to restore peace in our hearts. When one enters a religious community, or for that matter, the priesthood or deaconate, one should curb ones' sinful or potentially sinful appetites. St. Bonaventure indicates that if you love God, you do not sin. If you still sin, you do not love Him enough. This is where I lose half my audience (I mean those Catholics or Christians who visit this web site). Most will try to tell me that we are all sinners and therefore, it cannot be done. But that does not mean that we shouldn't try very hard not to sin.

I certainly do not wish to sound as if I were perfect. I am not. Far from it. But believe me, I have made a promise (Vow) to God of Obedience and Chastity. I did this privately (just after I left the monastery for good), without coercion, or influence from others. I did this became I love God above all else, and thus even above myself. I work very hard to suppress temptations and I involve our Lord God in this work, sometimes hard work, by praying to Him and praising Him when these temptations come up. And they go away. I just put mind over matter, if you will. And the beauty of these inner trials of the soul is, that you can do it too!

If you are young, and you are in the habit of having a different girlfriend over each evening, would it be reasonable to expect you to be chaste, for example? Well, that depends what you want. It depends how much you love God. There are chaste ways to date, and there are other ways to date. A solid Catholic or Christian knows the pitfalls in life and acts accordingly.

So here I was, a very late vocation (58 years old, when I joined the monks), well set in my ways, and although they accepted me to be their brother, I knew from experience with other would-be religious that it's not easy to change an old dog. That's why seminaries prefer vocations to be much younger!

I remember a month before my Novitiate began, when I thought about the responsibilities I was about to take on, I got frightened. I began to perspire, shake, in fact, I ended up with a fever eventually. What ran through my mind was "now I can never have any 'fun' anymore." I remember when I was talking with a friar previous to joining the monks, he summed it up in a few words: "No Money, No Honey, No Nothing." (Well, maybe that was a little crude, but you get his drift.) Such is religious life, you lose your voice in the running of thing. You are challenged to keep your mouth shut when a superior tells you to do things the monastery's way. And that's that. Reminds one of military service. Well, a monastery is like that... but with mutual love.

Monks have one goal, to love God and live their life with increased perfection, daily conversion, for the Glory of God, and for the Body of Christ (the Church and those in it, in particular, and all Christian people who love Jesus Christ.) Saying you love Jesus and then continually sinning isn't loving Jesus.

After I got over my shock, fright, or what ever it was, three weeks later, I knew that no matter what Satan was trying to do to me, I had no interest in letting this time scare me. I bound Satan and all evil forces out of my life, and I promised Jesus I would follow Him no matter where He took me. Then, I calmed down and I was at peace. I think the "Dark Night" of privation of the senses had passed.

Even though I am no longer a monk, nothing has changed between me and God. My love for Him continues to grow each day, after each experience with temptation, because I know it can be overcome and I am perhaps too stubborn to give into frivolous behavior. I guess it's also easier when you get older... well, maybe not that much easier. One cannot separate sexuality from our persona. It's part and parcel, but it doesn't have to be an issue. I find my pleasures in life in other ways.

Friends ask me, don't you find you are lonely without a woman in the house. Well, I must admit that my life could have been other than it is now, but I am never lonely because I am always in God's presence. My life from the earliest time on was in pursuit of a vocation. If this were not the case, of course I would have married. But the fact is that I didn't and I think now that I am in my mid-sixties, it just isn't necessary. I am used to living alone and I am very busy with churchy activities, taking care of four websites (all gratis work insofar as time spent is concerned), visiting friends or writing them. I have pen-pals here and there, and I enjoy their emails. And another thing, a lot of my acquaintances are not so happily married for one reason or another. That's not exactly an invitation to married life, right? Even if I was interested.

In short, privation of senses is hard work. We're talking here about the senses of smell, taste, touch, hearing, seeing, in general untamed appetites. A novice in religious life has to learn to curb the use of these senses and also the recollection or thoughts that bring on the temptations associated (in his/her past life) with these senses. Since we are the result of Original Sin, we have a tendency to sin, and thus Satan tries everything he can to prevent us from loving God. He is very strong. We are stronger. Believe me, if people really love God, He will give you the Grace to overcome the temptations set before you by Satan, but you have to want that and try as hard as you can not to sin anymore. And if you do not succeed, try harder.

There comes a time when you reach a plateau in your life, that you will succeed more often than that you will fail to curtail the senses. Or even very, very often, you will succeed, and then you will find that you'll have great peace. Then the Dark Night of the Soul (also by St. John of the Cross) will indeed be almost behind you - for that dark 'night' is really your lifetime. The struggle to reject temptation will not slow down, because you will be tempted away from God until the minute you offer your last breath to a loving God who is then waiting for you to be with Him for all time. Because you tried the very best you could.

As a wise family member (who was a Discalced Carmelite Nun for 36 years when she passed away, a lifestyle of total prayer and work in almost perpetual silence and contemplation, especially in the years she was there as a cloistered nun) once wrote me: "God doesn't just want ordinary people, but he wants ordinary people who strive to excel." God wants conquerors in this war of the soul against the whiles of Satan and the evil spirits. I pray that my readers and web site visitors will begin right now to love God more. There is so much hatred in this world. Please, let us not contribute to it any further. May our lives, spent in love with Jesus, be that very prayer to bring peace to one and all. The prayer of one who loves God all the time is a very strong prayer.

May God continue to bless you and give you His peace!

Fred Schaeffer, SFO
2-12-2006

 

Giving yourself to God and to others    Part I    -    Part III