#2

Many people go through life without ever having close friends. That's a human tragedy. I've known people who live alone and perhaps have a few acquaintances on the job but they don't have anyone they can pal around with. Sometimes they have people they choose to have a couple of drinks with but there is no real bond. Many men are hesitant of being too close to other men. For several months I volunteered at a nursing home in Cincinnati, helping the activities department help the elderly who were alone. I was asked to get conversation going. I found out that with men that's extremely difficult especially where these people also had geriatric diseases but with women it was easier to generate conversation.

A friend is someone you can trust and depend on. A friend will often overlook obvious mistakes, but if he or she is a good friend, a supportive friend, he'll make suggestions. In correcting other people's mistakes, a tricky thing at best, it is always better to work with the positive rather than the negative aspects of the matter. For example, suppose your friend has the habit of using a swear word in his everyday conversation. You could approach this matter by praising his conversation, telling him how interesting it is, how informative, and then, very gently suggest that you'd really rather not want to listen to the negative words. Pointing out a person's faults is awkward because all of us have faults but somebody needs to do it. What better person than a friend?

A supportive friend is someone who will affirm you. I've been in situations where I was really not sure I was heading in the right direction and a pat on the back really helped convince me that I was doing the right thing. The final decision was mine to make but my friend helped me see the pros and cons of my proposed action. It was comforting.

In community life in a monastery there is much of this affirmation. There is a great deal of charity and my fellow monks are great guys. You don't enter a monastery with the idea of finding friends but friendship happens and can be a great gift of God. Jesus is also our Friend. He's our Brother, but He is our Friend as well. When you get into trouble, remember to first call on Jesus and on His Mother Mary, and on the angels and saints who will intercede for you. You know, the saints' lives are worth reading about. Their lives form practical examples of bravery, common sense, dedication, evangelization and all the virtues. Many saints have given their life for Jesus because they believed in Him, in God, 100%. They put God first!

Making friends, developing lasting relationships is usually a long process. Friends most often find each other in common interest areas, bridge clubs, neighbors, parents at Little League games or parties. In order to find a friend you've got leave the comfort of your home, you've got to mix. I pray that everyone reaches out. If everyone does, there will be fewer conflicts.

1997