Humor and Religion
Humor is good for everyone. When we can see the humor our daily experiences, we will find less stress in our lives and we'll smile more. Here are a couple of jokes found on the Internet, that were noted to be in the public domain:

The which monk?

The Lost Nun

Lost on a rainy night, a nun stumbles across a monastery and requests shelter there. Fortunately, she's just in time for dinner and was treated to the best fish and chips she's ever had.

After dinner, she goes into the kitchen to thank the chefs. She  is met by two brothers, "Hello, I'm Brother Michael, and this is Brother Charles."

"I'm very pleased to meet you. I just wanted to thank you for a wonderful dinner. The fish and chips were the best I've ever tasted. Out of curiosity, who cooked what?"

Brother Charles replied, "Well, I'm the fish friar."

She turns to the other brother and says, "Then you must be...?"

- "Yes, I'm afraid I'm the chip monk."

Two Cannibals

Two cannibals of the same tribe met in the jungle.  One of them was the sole survivor of a  failed hunting hunting party and was starving The other said that he was lucky.  The stay-at-home and  remainder of the tribe had gone through three days of intense stomach cramps and diarrhea.

"What did you eat that made you all sick?"
"It was a white man we had captured."
"That's odd. They're usually very tasty and agreeable.  How did you prepare him?"
"The usual way, we boiled him in a big pot."
"Nothing wrong there.  How was he dressed when he was captured?"
"He wore a long, brown robe with a cross around his neck."
"That was your mistake.  He was a friar."

From the Mouth of Babes...

The following comes from a Catholic elementary school. Kids were asked questions about the Old and New Testaments. The following statements about the Bible were written by children. They have not been retouched or corrected (i.e., incorrect spelling has been left in.)
 

In the first book of the bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off.
 

Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark. Noah built an ark, which animals come on to in pears.

        Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.

Samson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah.

Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the Apostles.

Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread which is bread without any ingredients.

The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount cyanide to get the ten ammendments.

The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.

Moses died before he ever reached Canada. Then Joshua led the hebrews in the battle of Geritol.

The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.

David was a hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He fought with the Finklesteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical times.

Solomon, one of David's sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.

When Mary heard that she was the mother of Jesus, she sand the Magna Carta.

St. John the blacksmith dumped water on his head.

Jesus explained, "a man doth not live by sweat alone."

The people who followed the lord were called the 12 decibels.

One of the oppossums was St. Matthew who was also a taximan.

Christians have only one spouse. This is called monotony.

Two Beggars...

Two beggars are sitting on a park bench in Mexico City. One is holding a cross and one a Star of David. Both are holding hats to collect contributions. People walk by, pass by the man with the Star of David, and drop money in the hat held by the man with the cross. Soon the hat of the man with the cross is filled with money, and the hat of the man with the star of David remains empty.

A priest watches and then approaches the men. He turns to the man with the Star of David and says: "Young man. Don't you realize that this is a Catholic country? You'll never get any contributions in this country holding a Star of David."

The man with the Star of David turns to the man with the cross and says: "Moishe, can you imagine, this guy is trying to tell us how to run our business?"

Actual Announcements Taken From Church Bulletins

Don't let worry kill you -- let the church help.

Thursday night - Potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow.

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.

For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

The rosebud on the alter this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.

This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.

Tuesday at 4:00 PM there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.

This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the alter.

The service will close with "Little Drops of Water." One of the ladies will start quietly and the rest of the congregation will join in.

Next Sunday a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet will come forward and do so.

The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind and they may be seen in the church basement Friday.

A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.

The preacher will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing, "Break Forth With Joy."

During the absence of our pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when A. B. Doe supplied our pulpit.

The Rev. Adams spoke briefly, much to the delight of his audience.

The church is glad to have with us today as our guest minister the Rev. Shirley Green who has Mrs. Green with him. After the service we request that all remain in the sanctuary for the Hanging of the Greens.

The `eighth graders' will be presenting Shakespeare's "Hamlet" in the church basement on Friday at 7 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

---

Children's Prayers 

Dear God:
I didn't think orange went with purple until I saw the sunset You made on Tuesday. That was cool.

Dear God:
Instead of letting people die and having to make new ones, why don't You keep the ones You already have?

Dear God:
Maybe Cain and Abel would not have killed each other if they had their own rooms. That's what my Mom did for me and my brother.

Dear God:
If You watch me in church on Sunday, I'll show You my new shoes.

Dear God:
I bet it is very hard to love everyone in the whole world. There are only 4 people in our family and I'm having a hard time loving all of them.

Dear God:
In school they told us what You do. Who does it when You are on vacation?

Dear God:
Are You really invisible or is it just a trick?

 Dear God:
Is it true my father won't get into heaven if he uses his bowling words in the house?

Dear God:
Did You mean for the giraffe to look like that or was it an accident?

Dear God:
Who draws the lines around the countries?

 Dear God:
 I went to this wedding and they kissed right in the church. Is that OK?

Dear God:
Did You really mean "do unto others as they do unto you"? Because if You did, then I'm going to get my brother good.

Dear God:
Thank You for the baby brother, but I think you got confused because what I prayed for was a puppy.

Dear God:
Please send me a pony. I never asked for anything before. You can look it up.

Dear God:
 I want to be just like my Daddy when I get big, but not with so much hair all over.

Dear God:
You don't have to worry about me; I always look both ways.

Dear God:
I think about You sometimes, even when I'm not praying.

Dear God:
Of all the people who worked for You, I like Noah and David the best

Dear God:
My brother told me about being born but it doesn't sound right. They're just kidding, aren't they?

Dear God:
I would like to live 900 years just like the guy in the Bible.

Dear God:
We read Thomas Edison made light. But in Sunday school they said You did it. So, I bet he stole Your idea.
 

 

If you wish to add your joke to this, please email us. Jokes must be free of copyright, and be absolutely clean.

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